The Fear Of Showing Your Face On Social Media.
It sounds strange when I write it down, a fear of showing my face. This is a post that has been playing on my mind for a while. So now that I have a few minutes I am going to share. You see I didn’t always have this fear, I was very comfy behind the camera and had a daily vlog for well over a year on YouTube. I was happy enough to chat away sharing my day. It didn’t matter what I looked like and shared my work days on the farm as much as the easier days. I could chat to camera no problem !. Then when Instagram started stories I loved them and just like the vlog I chatted away to everyone a couple of times a day.
I loved sharing what I was doing and was never overly worried what I looked like because well it was me. Then I started to notice that the video quality on my phone was really bad. When I was taking the video on my Samsung S8 it looked fine but again it was uploaded to Instagram the quality was so bad. This was the first reason I stopped sharing much , if any video because I hate stories when the video isn’t clear I didn’t want to share the same with my small but loved followers. I wanted what I showed to be clear and true to life.
So one of my many challenges I set myself in the New Year was to share more video on Instagram, more photos of me because people just like watching people. My phone was due an upgrade in February so I set that as my deadline to start sharing more of me. I changed from a Samsung S8 ( which I loved) to and iPhone XR so that my videos and photos would be clear. I want you to take a minute and think about which Instagram accounts you love the most ? which stories do you watch the most ? . For me it’s the accounts that have a mix of beautiful photos on their grid of themselves and other stuff and I love stories where the person does more talking than sharing just still photos. Two Irish bloggers I love and have to nearly check before i get out of bed are Cliona from @leanmeanmomma and Eimear from @thetwodarlings . Then there are loads of UK bloggers as well who just inspire me. But I just love watching Cliona and Eimear purely because you see them, they chat like you are there and you see the person behind the account. It’s addictive and I am also really nosey !
I really wanted to be free like the other bloggers who I admire but I just can’t seem to do it this time. I want to be that person I was a few years ago, vlogging daily with not a care in the world. My followers are a great bunch who have been with me for years so I don’t know what is wrong with me this time. There have been numerous times since I changed my phone I have taken video clips and just not shared. I have looked at myself through the camera and all I see is an old, wrinkled face of someone who looks tired all the time and aged above her years of 41 !! . No matter what the light, how I hold my head or stand I just can’t bear to look at myself on camera anymore. So if I can’t look at myself who else will want to is what the little voice in my head keeps telling me. I even bought a Popsocket for my phone so I could hold it for more Instagram videos !.
As a last resort I bought Sara’s book all about Instagram. I have been following Sara for years, her photos are amazing and she chats in her book about using stories and chatting to camera. I hoped this would give me the inspiration I needed but it didn’t really. I finished her book last week and have half shown my face one day on stories and showed my face yesterday and thats it !. How am I going to get passed this ???
I really want to use stories more, I have just about given up on twitter but I love instagram. I just want to feel comfortable enough to pick up the camera like I was before and just do it. Not spend the whole time looking at the wrinkles and light and just hating every minute of it. Where has that confident person who daily vlogged even if people were looking at her gone ??.
She needs to come back but am not sure how to find her. Maybe I just need to take up the phone and just do it ? just talk to the camera and take some photos no matter what I think I look like and maybe the fear will ease.
Has this happened to you ? Do you fear the camera ? how do you get over the fear ?