Sometimes You Just Have To Take The Leap.
The saying goes look before you leap but sometimes if you were to really look you just wouldn’t leap!. I looked before I jumped, I spent the summer looking. When we started the farm together back in 2011 we had to start from scratch and I was home full time, fully involved in all that was happening with the growing farm. Then family life took over, the boys got older and things like college started to happen so I went back to work as a Montessori teacher. It was an easier choice for me to go back than Paul because he was just better to stay on the farm full time.
Then the love of Dairy grew in the house and once again big changes are happening to our little farm but now I was working and not involved as much. I was involved as much as time allowed me but it’s just not the same. The farmers were coming home and taking about fields, cows, breeds, parlours, yard plans and to be honest I only half knew what they were talking about. I am not a person who likes to sit back and not be involved I want to be there for it all, the good and the bad. Over my summer break this year it started to become clear that I was missing out on this new phase of the farm but it also became clear I was needed at home.
This was the scary part, to make the choice to give up work or to not be involved in the farm as much as I was needed. To sit and try work out money, time, needs and all the rest took months. I had been working constant for the past 7yrs and now I was thinking of giving it up. The constant weekly wage would be no more and even though it was only for the school terms it was still 38 weeks in the year you knew you were getting paid. Then there was Sid and what would be best for him, to be at home or to come to work with me. Then there was the fact that I was needed at home and had enough all summer to keep me busy but to also ease some of the pressure on the farmers. There was our down time to think about, while we don’t do anything very exciting we do like to go for breakfast on a Sunday morning as a treat maybe me not working would mean we couldn’t do that. The farm at the moment and to be honest probably never has had any money but the plan with the dairy is that we will in a year or two when it’s settled and up and running.
All of this was factored in but I still didn’t want to take the leap. There were so many what if’s that we spend the summer going through everything. Some days it seemed like the best idea ever the others it looked like we had all lost our minds. I spent the summer stressed, hence the lack of blog posts and social media. Sometimes though you have to feel the fear and do it anyway and thats what I did.
So on Monday the 3rd of September I went back to work and before I had reached my new class of little kids I had handed in my months notice. Even though the decision was taken I still spent the month second guessing myself and as my last day drew closer and I started to tell all my kids I was feeling the fear. Now a week has gone by, a routine is somewhat in place and I am very happy. I am getting so much more done in the day, I hope I have eased some of the pressure on the farmers and Sid is loving coming home from school and not having to come to work with me after. I will get to see now all the progress as it happens, I will be able to do some milking, feed calves, do the paperwork and anything else I am needed for. The only time I have to check my watch for now each day is school run time and that alone has eased some amount of pressure for me. Now I just have to keep an eye on the time for school runs what a change that makes.
Sometimes we just need to leap. Have you made any huge changes that you second guessed yourself on ? How did the change turn out in the end ?